The X-Factor

Unfortunately this life is full of negatives and pointless tasks. The days are taken up by work, various trials and scattered conundrums. Tribulation is wrought by multiple misunderstandings and various accidents. Eventually we go to sleep and dream…the next morning we wake and hope this day is better than the last as we walk out that door. We frequently get caught up in and let down by the negative energy that is often surrounding life. For some reason it seems to be so much easier to focus on than all the good we do and the positives in life. So we continually dream and strive for change as we try to create pleasant environments and positive memories to offset the stresses of reality.

I for one feel like I’m stuck in a rut in the everyday monotony of this thing we call life. All I feel like I do is work. I work at least 52 or more hours a week in a job that I wish I could find a way to get out of. Though it is, to me, the most stress free and easiest part of my day – I feel trapped. It’s a black hole or a vacuum sucking my time and life away as I feel my dreams slip though my fingers. Hence, I constantly find myself chasing my dreams. I have this goal, a vision of whom I think I’m supposed to be, albeit in the eyes of many my life isn’t so bad. I admit when I take a moment to step back and honestly asses the reality of the situation…I have to agree; not a bad life. At the very core of it all I have a wife and two beautiful daughters, a well paying and consistent job that will most likely last forever and I live in San Francisco and go for amazing bike rides… Seriously, what the hell am I complaining about?! Well, I’m just not the “me” I expected myself to be at this point in my life. I’m not meeting my own expectations.

I dream of a day that I am paid to travel the globe and write about the adventures I take with my wife, daughters and bike. I dream about my daughters growing and becoming professional ballet dancers and ultimately owning their own studio and company. I envision my wife running her own company; which I’m working on right now and its gonna be perfect in this city… So given the fact that it is hard for me to accept the monotony and do not understand the meaning of the word “contentment,” essentially I dream of us finally controlling our own life and filling it with adventure.

Regardless of all of this, through thick and thin, you know what the best part of my day is? The one constant motivator to continue chasing my dreams. The one thing that makes life worth it and stops the earth from spinning and protects me from all of its forces against me. The light in the shadows of darkness. The thing that reminds me that I’m actually doing alright… The X-Factor. It’s amazing actually, the feeling I get in my heart and soul. I’m talking about that brief, isolated moment when I tuck my girls in at night and they say these seemingly simple words to me – “I Love You Dad.” Yes, this is the real reason why I’m here. That is my true happiness…and nothing else matters. I love you too girls! Thank you for being everything to me.

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